Living in Guatemala I've learned to sugarcoat and avoid most conversations. Without really knowing why being direct and honest is something frowned upon in the most part. People here are nice, not real. If anyone asks you "how are you?" an immediate response of "I'm well" is expected, because no one really wants to cause the other person the trouble for actually caring about what's not ok. As I read this book I thought on how this had affected my life. During school I tried to be nice to everyone to avoid problems and assure social wellbeing (whatever that is). I always looked for ways out of discussions, even if they weren't mine. Getting Real was something only my loud, Cuban Grandmother would do, which I found hilarious but never really understood the courage it required. As I read this book there was a particular quote that made me pay close attention and think,  "Hm, this might teach me more than I think".  It said…

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know, before your time on earth is up, how the world responds to your unique ideas, feelings, foibles, and gifts? Or are you content just to give a good performance of the script you were given by society or your family?”

 

When you think about it, it’s quite scary to think that we’re only going through this thing once and we wish to have it all figured out all the time. Is there any fun in that? It simply makes us feel safe, makes us feel like we’re doing it “right” because that’s the way others have done it. However, we take a lot of time thinking about how things went, how they should go, or how they “will” go. That leaves very few time to be in the present moment, actually living.

 

For years I have loved a girl that I’ve known for quite some time. Only once did I “tell her” how I felt about her, however, it didn’t go quite well. This was in middle school and I was too afraid to tell her directly so I left her an anonymous gift for Valentine’s Day, the next thing I knew everyone in the school made a huge deal about it. Now that I look back I realize that I felt I had lost complete control of the situation, so I tried to avoid everyone as much as I could, and though I did tell her in the end that the gift was on my behalf nothing really happened ever since. We’ve been good friends, and though time has passed I still have feelings for her. I’ve denied this fact not only to others but also to myself, thinking that it will “go away” and hiding it from her. Just now do I realize that I have the feeling of being “in control” by not saying or doing anything. I’ve fallen in this deceptive cycle because if I don’t DO anything, NOTHING will happen (pretty obvious). But that’s suppressing my authentic self, that’s telling myself that I’m not enough, that’s not being real. As I wrote this (and I still have serious doubts whether to share this at all) I’m convinced that I must tell her. I don’t know how she’ll react, how her perspective of myself will change, how it might affect our relationship, but I feel the urge of getting real because this “silent script” that Society mandates to follow has made me numb. I want to be present, alive. I’ll accept whatever IS and probably life will go on. I don’t even know how I will react after telling her but I have the feeling that it’ll be for the better.

 

Similar situations have been going on with friends, family, professors and other people I know. Some of them end up not liking me at all, with others I feel a real connection. Getting Real impacted my life in a way I wouldn’t have imagined. My perspective of so many things in life changed, it makes me aware of why I’m doing things, if my intentions are honest, if I’m being a participant in my life or just a “controlling” audience member. Getting Real offers the base not only for truthful relationships but also for self-acceptance and honest learning. I’ve stopped playing many of the “games” society imposes upon us and I feel more alive than ever. I don’t care if people consider me weak, sentimental, pedantic, stupid or whatever. I’ve learned that I can’t control how people will react (sure, there are ways to say things) and in the end as Emerson says, “And therefore a man must know how to estimate a sour face.”

 

It doesn’t get easier though; being honest, especially with the ones you love is sometimes a difficult task.  For example, telling your sister and her fiancé that you didn’t like the sweater they bought for your birthday with their savings is NOT easy. I avoided the question and then I thought “why is it so hard”? And in my case it’s because I don’t want to hurt them or seem unappreciative, however in the end I believe in the famous saying “más vale un momento colorido, que cien mil descoloridos”. (Better to blush for a moment than to remain colorless for one hundred thousand). If we learn to communicate truthfully as humans our experience in this world will be richer in levels that we cannot imagine until we experience them.