These are lessons that make one reflect upon the value of “getting real” and offer tips on how to apply it to one’s life. As with everything, it’s easier said than done, however, they awaken us to new possibilities of how we may deal with the world and people that surround us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of the times we’re not “real”, why?  

 

We’re usually not real because we fear NOT being in control. Our sense of safety and our self-esteem rely very much on this feeling. Now, in control of what? 

1. In control of others’ reactions to what we do or say.

2. In control of how we appear to others.

3. In control of whether we’ll get what we want.

 

Communicate with the intent to relate, not to control. This is, being fully honest with the person you’re talking to, it involves expressing our feelings, thoughts, and perspective without aiming towards a goal other than to truthfully communicate these and make an emotional contact. It’s not easy because when it’s real one doesn’t know how the message will be received.

 

“It seems that the more you try to get reality to fit within your comfort zone, the more unprepared you are to deal with a world full of surprise, complexity, and change. Likewise, if we persist in trying to get our relationships to conform to our expectations instead of letting them be how they actually are, we may miss important opportunities to know ourselves and others more deeply.”

 

10 Truth Skills

 

1. Experiencing what is. Forget what “should be” focus on the present moment.

2. Being transparent. “The ability to reveal to another person what you have done or what you are sensing, feeling, thinking, or saying to yourself at the moment.”

3. Noticing your intent. Relating vs. Controlling.

4. Welcoming feedback. You’re curious as to how others are being affected by your actions.

5. Asserting what is that you want and don’t want. Ask freely for what you want and express what you don’t want, avoid saving it “for the really important things” thinking that if you do these MUST be done because “you don’t usually ask for anything”.

6. Taking back projections. Learn to detect when you’re projecting yourself into others.

7. Revising an earlier statement. You can change your mind and let others know about it, just be honest.

8. Holding differences. Hold on to your viewpoint but remain open to analyze the other persons’ viewpoint as well.

9. Sharing mixed emotions. Again, be honest as to what you’re truly thinking and feeling, if you’re confused say so.

10. Embracing the silence. “Silence is your connection to the Source, the place from which new creation springs forth”.  You can’t plan everything in advance, sometimes there will be an uncomfortable feeling of not knowing or helplessness, learn to endure it.

 

Use these skills as an awareness practice. That is, you must be self-conscious of your actions and how authentic you’re being. You can only be real if you’re self-aware.

 

“You learn to participate in life instead of trying to control it.”

 

 

6 Getting Real Tips 

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1. Relax and enjoy yourself.

2. Deal realistically and creatively with the truth of your existence (instead of waiting to take action until you're "better" or until someone else does what they're supposed to do) 

3. Allow yourself to be seen and loved (realizing that you are most lovable when you are most transparent)

4. Be present to each moment of your life (uninhibited by your judging and comparing mind telling you that you're not enough). 

5. Trust yourself to 'cross future bridges when you come to them' (rather than worrying about something you cannot predict or control)

6. Feel peaceful and self-accepting (most of the time). 

 

WHY GETTING REAL?

 

As Campbell describes it the benefits of  “Getting Real” can be reduced into three words; Serenity, Presence, and Compassion. These allow one to live an authentic and free life, to experience the world in a livelier way, and to get a better insight into others’ as well as ourselves.

 

“When I experience serenity, presence and compassion in a unified way, my body and mind feel completely relaxed, and yet I have an open attentiveness to my surroundings that enables me to be immediately responsive if needed be. I feel a relaxed attentiveness alongise a sense of harmony or unity with the world. I am not identifies with my personality or my personal story but I am able to use these to connect with the world in whatever ways feel most whole and truthful at the time.”